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[therisingstar]

Contact Tomas here!

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tomes - text

[oldgreylion]

A hastily-scribbled note appears in Tomas' tome one morning.

Can we talk soon?

tomes - text

[therisingstar]

Of course.

[Not at the chapel, though.]

Where?

Re: tomes - text

[oldgreylion]

My room, Autumn wing?

tomes - text

[therisingstar]

I can come right now if you are not busy.

tomes - text

[oldgreylion]

[there's a pause]

Yeah, sure.

tomes - action

[therisingstar]

Be there soon.

[He is not looking forward to this, but it has to happen. He hopes... well. He mostly hopes Marcus is not too angry with him.

He'll arrive at his door in a few minutes and knock.]

[oldgreylion]

Marcus is up and on his feet and opening the door quickly. Not too eager, Marcus, you don't know how Tomas is feeling - you just know he's been...distant.

He stares at Tomas when he opens the door. "...Hey."

[therisingstar]

"...hey." Tomas's smile is careful. He doesn't know how Marcus is going to feel about seeing him again. Him reaching out first is good, but maybe he just wants to yell at him in private.

"How... how have you been?"

[oldgreylion]

"I've been good. Er - c'mon in." He steps back, letting Tomas into his mildly messy room. There's paper and drawings everywhere, charcoal and graphite, and a fine layer of cat hair beginning to build. Rosita darts out between Tomas' ankles and down the hall.

[therisingstar]

"Thank you." He feels weirdly formal and he hates it. At least Marcus's room is nicer than what he had at St. Aquinas?

He'll come in and try to grab Rosita as she gets out, just missing her. "Damn - do you need me to catch her?"

[oldgreylion]

"Nah, she's like her master. Comes and goes as she pleases." He tries a crooked grin? There's no need for them to be weird? God he wishes they weren't weird.

He'll clear a spot on the sofa, seating himself on the bed, the one thing in here that's neatly made. "So."

Fuck, where does he start.

[therisingstar]

"Fair enough." He will smile back, shy and uncertain, and take the seat Marcus clears off.

He leans forward on his elbow, his face earnest and open. It's his priest face, the one he uses when he's on the job. "So."

text

[jengohshit]

[Have a drawing of a dick. It's not super bad; Vax was good at drawing as a teenager, but he's rusty as hell now.]

voice;

[jengohshit]

D'you ever get, like...I dunno. All twisted up about your god?

voice;

[therisingstar]

Oh, yeah, I have had some pretty spectacular crises of faith. What is going on, my friend?

voice;

[jengohshit]

I...

Maybe it's stupid.

I told you she has three commandments, right? Don't pity the dead, don't try to subvert fate, kill undead. And I think my being here is kind of violating all three of them and like...I'm not even sorry.

voice;

[therisingstar]

Because you don't kill the vampires? [He is not sure what Vax means.]

voice;

[jengohshit]

I mean, for the undead bit, yeah, and the fact that I continue to, you know, associate where I shouldn't.

[He's started fucking Nines again and apparently it's a bridge too far for his faith.]

voice;

[therisingstar]

I have been there. [Not here, he still considers himself under special dispensation. But there was Jessica at home, he knew the whole time it was a bad idea.]

Okay, I am going to ask you a question that is really for you to think about and answer for yourself. You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. Why are you, ah, continuing the association? What is making it hard for you to stop?

voice;

[jengohshit]

[There's a pause for him to think this over.]

Honestly? Pretty sure it's just cause he's good at it. At me.

voice;

[therisingstar]

I think there are worse reasons. Feeling like someone understands you and values you enough to put the work in to give you what you need is... it is a really good feeling. [He takes a moment to rub his face. His viewpoint has shifted a lot since he got here.]

Do you feel like what you are doing is wrong?

voice;

[jengohshit]

Kinda? I know I...I found out he was a vampire after I'd been fucking him and I stopped in large part because of that commandment, but then I...started again. 'The dick is good' does not seem like a good reason.

And we haven't even touched commandments one and two, either. By wanting to stay here, what the fuck am I doing if not subverting fate? Having too much pity on my own death?

voice;

[therisingstar]

I don't know if I can help you with the dick being too good. I have made too many bad choices for similar reasons. [j e s s i c a]

But... more seriously, I do not think you are subverting fate at all. None of us chose to be brought here, and we don't really have a choice about staying. Maybe this is what fate chose for you? Maybe this is your reward for being a faithful champion. We cannot know the mind of G... of the gods.

voice;

[jengohshit]

I should at least be...I should at least wish I wasn't. I should at least wish that my fate would get back in line with what it's supposed to be. She was very clear that the next stop for me was the afterlife and I'm pretty sure you're not dead.

voice;

[therisingstar]

On one hand, being ashamed that your thoughts and feelings don't match what you think they should is a pretty Catholic way to feel... [That is a joke.]

...on the other, it's pretty much bullshit, Vax. That kind of shame, it's useless. What would it do except make you miserable? If you don't feel that way, you can't force yourself to feel that way by feeling guilty about it. Why wouldn't you be happy that you have more time with your friends and your family? You don't have to commit to that level of self-negation.